I'm getting tired

I was writing in my personal journal the other day about traveling, trying to explain to myself the reasons why traveling is important to personal development. The last thing I wanted to do was sound like a motivational speaker so I wrote the entry as if it was an interview. I've decided to share a small portion of why I feel like moving away from what you are comfortable with (your home) for even just a short time to relocate somewhere unfamiliar, removing you from your comfort zone, is beneficial to the foundation of life.


The mundane monotonous patterns we find ourselves living in are necessary to keep our lives going. Working, exercising, eating, and sleeping are often times patterned activities we do on a daily basis without even thinking of straying from. The pattern is at home, the home in which you are currently living and we're locked into this march towards some great goal, striving to complete the tasks we've set forth for ourselves. It's not until we divert our efforts, wandering from our home, that we can ever experience new and unique things and learn upon them, therefor increasing personal learned experience in decision making and social development.

Why are older people wise? Why can an older carpenter never having never taken a college course in woodworking give advice to a professor on cabinetry? The decisions we make and the resulting experience we gain, both positive and negative, will influence how we will continue to make decisions in the future; it's these decisions which shape our experiences, in-turn shaping our personal development. Removing yourself from what you are comfortable with and breaking out of the patterns of every day life forces you to make decisions you may not be used to back home - it's all about the decisions. Experience is a result of having to make a decision. Factors affecting decision making while traveling include, but are not restricted to:
- People
- Money
- Time
- Family
- Language
- Safety

Which of these is applicable to life back home?

These are the kinds of things I think about while traveling. The view out the bus window as the sun sinks between two camel humped mountains on the boarder between central Thailand and Isaan is remarkable, glowing bright but dulled enough by the hazy clouds that concentrate in the distance. Does seeing the sun set between the mountains mean I've experienced more? Is traveling about bragging about the number of places you been and things you've seen? Should I fill my blog with colorful explanations of my surroundings because that's my "experience?" However beautiful, my experience isn't shaped by a pretty scene, but rather by the reason I can see the sun setting in the first place: I had to make a last minute decision to travel west rather than to go home towards the east, thereby chasing the sun. I'm able to watch the sun set because I wasn't ready to go back home. I made a decision and my experience is only enriched by the sunset. A romantic may believe the two were meant for each other (my decision and the sunset) but I'm skeptical. To me, it's the decision which unveils the experience.

I'm back in my village now, preparing for a hearty Songkran. Traveling is tiring and it's nice to be back even if my routine will feel like a pattern. Like I said near the beginning of this rant, the pattern is necessary to keep our lives going. It will feel good to recharge the batteries and prepare for my next tour.

"We'll get somewhere, sometime."

Its offical

Our mid service conference took place last week in Bangkok and all of the volunteers were in excellent form. It's incredible to think that I've already been here for one year, living in this Kingdom for a whole 365 days of my life. Looking back, I can say that it's gone by quite fast, but I've also had moments that seemed to never end.

Some highlights include sharing a room with my homestay brothers, living on the Mekong River, and meeting my current girlfriend. That's right, it's offical, I'm dating a Thai national. She great and if you wanna talk about it, just give me a call. I'll be happy to fill you in.

I want to send a personal thanks to Paul and Cara Jacobson for sending me the trifecta of male magazine entertainment, Rolling Stones, Maxim, and The Economist. These three magazines have collectively kept me up to date with everything I've wanted to know over the past year. I love you two so much for thinking about me, and thanks again.

I raise my glass of lao kaao (Thai rice wiskey) and say "Here's to the coming year. May it be a safe and prosperous year full of potential."

Buddhist Christmas in Thailand

Right at this very moment, I'm watching over my students as they meditate quietly before beginning math class. It's a ritual here to sit quietly with eyes closed for about five minutes after entering the classroom in order to calm the students down and get them in a state of mind conducive to learning.

Buddhism is at the heart of the Thai psyche. This gentle religion (or "spiritual practice" if you wish to be politically correct) is behind almost every decision in Thai society. Although I don't practice Buddhism, I have learned a little about it just by living here and I must say, I agree with much of how they believe we should live as human beings.

Buddhists are very open when it comes to other religions and Thai's just love to celebrate things. With these two factors combined, Christmas in Thailand doesn't feel as lifeless as I thought it would. Almost all of the Thais that I talked to know at least a little bit about Christmas. They know about Santa Clause, presents, lights, and the like of surface traditions.

Bangkok is decked out in lights, centered around a giant Times Square-esque Christmas tree in the heart of the shopping district. Christmas music plays over loud speakers and all of the sales are, you guessed it, holiday sales. Out in the countryside it's not as prominent but I never expected it to be. I'll be at another volunteer's site during the week of Christmas doing a Christmas themed English camp so I'll be celebrating the season by teaching it. English camps are my forte here. I'm gone almost every other weekend working with other volunteers and helping their Thai counterparts run productive camps. I hope this Christmas themed one has Christmas food too. Although Thai food is awesome, I miss the cold wintery day comfort foods:

Beef Dumpling Stew
Chili with cheese and onions
Chicken Pot Pie
Shepherds Pie
Steak and Cheese Sandwich
Hot Turkey Sandwich
Fifteen Bean Soup
(my mouth is watering)
Tacos
Cudighi Sandwich
Pasties
Mashed Potatoes and Gravy
Pizza with the works

Apart from all that

I got through my first term. I got through my first term break. Now, school is starting up again. Looking back on what I did, I realize that it could not have been done any other way. I needed to make the mistakes I did in order to become a better teacher. I had to fail in order to succeed (is that a cliche, because if not I'm trademarking that one (I must have heard it somewhere)).

The one thing I'm proud I accomplished is that I did it. I went to every hour of every day and didn't once skip a class. My students saw that. Whether they know it themselves or not, they have become a little more comfortable with me. So their English has barely improved and they're still scared to speak it, but is that maybe because our relationship wasn't as strong as it is now? The challenges I face here are not physical and are only mildly mental, but are more often than not, personal.

I've set goals for myself that have not yet come close to being reached. That first semester was used to feel things out. Term break was a time to reflect. Now it's time to start pushing again, this time a little harder.

I love to play sports, I love geography, and I do what I can to help the environment. I see these three things being the most important influences in my future here next to the Mekong River.

I will never be able to explain what it's like to live here

If there’s one thing that’s on my mind more often than anything while living in Thailand it’s the world outside of Thailand; being in such a place forces one to analyze the world outside of it. I find myself constantly thinking about how different one location is from the next. Landscape, climate, culture, traditions, food, atmosphere, and attitudes are just a few aspects that change depending on your location. I grew up a full days plane ride from where I am living now and its the reality of that distance which helps me understand life an culture. No one is right and no one is wrong, it just…is.

It’s impossible for me to explain everything about Thailand in this blog. For one, there’s way too much to cover and I don’t have the time, for two I’m not a good enough writer to do it justice, and for three I’m too lazy to type it all up. What I’ve got instead is a story that will hopefully condense it all.

For over a year my village has been building a holy shrine in the local temple (wat). Thailand is 97% Buddhist and the wat is an extremely holy place, often the center of activity in a village. The Monks who live at the wat will often be called upon for anything from choosing a name for a newborn to presiding over a funeral. Well finally, two weeks ago it was announced that the time had come for the official inauguration of this beautiful pearl white cement, brown tile roof, yellow ornamental structure which houses an enormous Buddha figure.

I gotta ask questions. I must know. It’s in my nature to know, thanks to my father. So of course I ask the obvious ones: why are we going to the wat?; what’s going to happen next?; when is the celebration finished? But it’s like I just arrived yesterday! I know not to ask these questions because first of all they’ll never get answered and even if they do get answered, they’re answered differently depending on who is being asked and second of all I'm probably not going to understand the answer anyways. Inevitably I relaxed and left it up to the Thais in charge, helping out where I could. If I was to try and describe the tradition that took place, it wouldn’t make sense from a Western perspective but I will say that it involved great lengths of string, more food than needed, flowers and incents, and plenty of hard work from the villagers.

This story proves that 50% of my day is filled with wonder – half of the time I don’t know what’s going on. Survival in Thailand can only be possible if I allow myself to accept the fact that I can’t control hardly anything here. English words cannot describe just how difficult that is but Thai has a pretty good one (ngong meaning, “confused”). My parents are coming to visit me in November and I am extremely excited. I want them to have the best trip they’ve ever taken. Almost every time I talk to them on the phone, I find myself trying to teach them about the culture so that they’re more prepared when they arrive. But every time I give them some advice, I get stuck midsentence not knowing how to finish my thought. If I still have trouble understanding the culture after seven months in country, how can I possibly make any valid points to them?

There’s an analogy that has stuck with me since pre-service training and it goes a little something like this: if you are an iceberg, 10% of you is sticking out of the water and 90% is hidden beneath the surface. The 10% is what people can see and interact with. It’s what people make their snap judgments based upon. It's you, on the outside. The other 90% is you on the inside. It’s all of your emotions, hidden talents, personal values, morals, etc. It’s up to you if you wish to share that 90% with the world. Thailand is the same iceberg. The 10% is what you see on the news or hear about from someone who has vacationed here. It’s a small portion of the big picture. The other 90% is what you experience when you learn the language, begin to understand the culture, accept the people for who they are, and truly throw yourself into the lifestyle. I will never be able to give my parents advice on how to properly behave in this country, nor do I have to. I don’t know why I’m so worried in the first place. Finding out how to act in a culture unlike anything the West has to offer is an adventure into self discovery itself. That’s something anyone traveling here needs to experience on their own.

This is often what I feel like.

I'm bad with photos

I bought a camera here, but I never take pictures. I'm constantly forgetting to take it with me and never thinking about it. It eats batteries like Isaan people eat fish and to me, it was a waste of money. The reason I didn't buy one in the States and bring it with me in the first place is because I'm not a photo snapper kind of guy. It's not my style and never has been.

To me, writing a blog without photos is like playing in the snow without a sled or some skis. It's still fun, but not as interactive. Photos make a blog much more interesting. I do realize however, people don't always need photos to look at and would rather just read what I've got to say. So, I've compromised. Whenever someone else is taking photos, I usually see if I can't mooch off of them and add their cache to my collection.

I know this blog has been spotty at best, but bare with. I'm new to the whole "public journal." Isn't that a contradiction anyways?

So what's up in Thailand hu? Well, over the past four months I've found that it's much better to stay at site in your village than off hiding in the nearest big city every weekend. The way things work here is what I would describe as the opposite of the American suburbs. In the burbs, you wake up in your house, get in your car through your garage, drive to work, work all day, drive home, enter your house through your garage, and go to sleep to wake up and do it all over again. Some people don't communicate with their neighbors at all let alone see the light of day. But here in Thailand, your business is everyone else's business. If you're not an open person coming to Thailand, you're an open person before you leave. Everyone wants to know everything. What did you eat, have you showered yet, what time will you be home, why were you in your backyard for so long yesterday, who was that I saw you with down by the river, are you going to look for mushrooms like so and so told me you were, have you eaten yet, can you do my English homework for me, do you need water, where were you just now, what did you eat with your rice? That's no exaggeration and probably more of a downplay. This is my life.

When I'm in Bangkok, no one knows me. Sure I've got some friends who live there, but they constitute less than 1% of the 7 million people who call "Krungthep" home. More than once I've been in Bangkok feeling lonely. People shoulder to shoulder with me on the SkyTrain and I'm so lonely I feel depressed. "Why haven't any random people asked me if I've eaten yet today or not?" I ask myself. Then I realize, I'm not in the countryside. Put my in my village with the smiling faces I encounter regularly and life is warm. I'm part of this now. It's finally becoming comfortable.

That's not to say Bangkok isn't fun. If you've got a wingman, someone to roll with, and you can speak Thai...you hit the streets. Figure Bangkok out. Enough said.

Let's now change speeds and see what Tony's got going on at site.

Tony's current projects:

Co-teaching four days a week at two different schools.
Multiple teacher trainings
Hosting an English camp
Constantly landscaping around my house
World Map - Going to paint a world map on a wall at my school
Building a chair - It's harder than it sounds

It feels like I've always got something on my mind. Even when I'm relaxing with the family I spend a good portion of my day with across the street, I can feel the gears turning. Living in an Eastern culture is something that I knew would provoke a lot of new synapses but I never expected them to be firing so regularly. And what a fun little thing I got goin' on here too. I think about how the people here who know me as "Aa-tet" would react if they saw me in the Upper Peninsula. They have this view of me as a tall white Thai-Isaan boy because that's what I've been portraying but if you know me you know I'll never forget where I came from (god what I wouldn't do for a PBR).

Mekong Update:

The Mekong is starting to lower a bit after reaching it's maximum capacity and flooding a few people out of their homes. I like the Mekong. I'm glad I live in a village on its shores.

Pi Dtong

Today, a wise man said to me in Thai, "Life is delicate. I never sigh because I am always fighting to keep my body strong. If you sigh, you are breaking your life apart."